Merry Christmas

Many thanks to all those people who have bought my books through the year.
The success of Living Together In divorce has been remarkable. I do hope it has helped those of you who are facing this situation.

My first novel Codename: New Earth is doing well and I have just finished my new book titled. "Gods Of The Pacific"

Based in new zealand it tells the story of a Maori girl who falls in love with a Pakeha boy. it is the year 2040 and no woman over thirty years old is allowed to have a baby.
Secretly Manu their child is born and becomes a great prophecy warrior who forms a new tribe in Aotearoa and faces a foreign adversary intent on stealing New Zealand's natural riches.
it is steeped in ancient maori customs and traditions and has many a twist.
This book will be out on kindle and paperback early next year.

To everyone throughout the world who has supported me I thank you and wish you and your loved ones a very Merry Xmas!

Separated But Lving Together: The Importance of Setting Boundaries.

Boundaries are important in any relationship as they define what each person finds acceptable in the other. They are a way of protecting ourselves from the behavior of others and how they treat us.

Boundaries enable us to communicate in a positive and healthy way so the point we are trying to make does not offend or make another person feel as if they are being attacked verbally.

Lack of boundary setting is a major reason why so many relationships fail as each partner plays the blame game leaving no room for negotiation.

So what does a boundary have to do with separating couples living together in the same house? My quick answer would be EVERYTHING as living under the same roof with an ex partner would stretch the limits of most people so if you can put some basic boundaries in place I think you will find life will be a lot easier.

Feelings from a relationship ending may easily spill over into a couples new living arrangement so never was the need for boundary setting so great. The irony is a lack of boundaries may have been the core reason for the breakup so implementing them now could be an opportunity to improve the status quo.

If there was physical or mental abuse in the relationship then being separated and living together is definitely not recommended. The abused party will get no rest even as the roommate of a seasoned manipulator. My advice is to get out and STAY OUT!

When approaching your ex with the concept of boundary setting explain to them gently that you think it might be a good idea to have some rules regarding personal preferences. This would be telling each other without anger what you need for this arrangement to work. It may be you want separate bedrooms (highly recommended) and each partner to knock on the door when they wanted to talk or it could be about some alone time with your children.

Keep it simple and friendly at all times letting your ex know you want to respect their needs in this as it will make for a pleasant atmosphere to live in.

Don't expect miracles at the start but it is amazing how people take on board the concept of boundaries because they realize they are being valued.

Even roommates need boundaries otherwise the house they are living in can turn into an open home where none of the occupants feel as if they have any rights to their own personal living space.

When talking to your ex always use the I approach. I feel or I hope we can make this work. Once you start using phrases like if you would stop doing that or this is your fault you are canceling any chance of having a reasonably happy home.

As tall as this order may seem this is an opportunity to really communicate with your ex. When marriages fail it is so many times because of a lack of communication. Setting boundaries while you are separated and living together may put your marriage or partnership back together. If not it will still be a valuable learning experience and allow you to make things better in future relationships.

Separated But Living Together

Marriage is proving to be a delicate union as more couples head for divorce.

It may be an amicable situation for many but what the public generally sees is a lot of mud-slinging leaving both parties bitter and confused. Children involved carry the scars of their parent's and they can be psychologically and physically affected for many years to come.

This kind of attitude has no place when a couple is separated and living together. Any animosity would need to be left at the door of their family home so life could be reasonably peaceful. I am always reminded of an old film called "War of the roses" which starred Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner where a warring couple living in the same house did not get that they needed to be civil to each and both died at the hand of the other.

Some couples consider they have no choice but to stay together and live as roommates. Separated but living together is becoming very common and it is no wonder when you think how hard some families are struggling to keep their heads above water.

Some are even divorced and living together choosing to get their decree but still carry on living under the same roof. The reasons why people chose this way to live are significant and varied.

There are couples who have been living together for some time while trying to sell their house. The real estate market took a big hit in the recession and has not completely recovered. Values dropped, as did buyers willing to pay a fair price. Foreclosures were abundant leaving families with no home and banks trying to salvage some of the money they had loaned. Separated couples saw an opportunity to ride out the storm and hope for better days to come.

NECESSITY became a new way of thinking for many as they tried to hold onto their prime asset.

Divorcing couples had credit card debt and hire-purchase agreements to contend with as well as rising prices and job losses. In order for these husband's and wives to have some kind of a positive future they knew they had to find a way to reduce their continually rising debts. They could have them split down the middle if their loan providers were willing but if there was only one income coming into the household this would prove difficult.

Children became and are still a huge issue, as poor families knew it would be impossible to support them. The care of their off spring would have been at the forefront of many separated couples decision to stay living together wanting to ensure the children did not suffer in any way. Generally when a couple splits the kids live with one parent while the other has visitation rights. This would mean two residences to pay for which is not feasible if you are struggling to make ends meet. There are parents who could not bear to bring up their children while living apart and have chosen to stay together until their kids are older. This is a supreme sacrifice and not always agreed by some psychologists.

If two consenting adults have made this decision and are comfortable with it then it is their choice to make. When you see how many children have behavioral problems as a result of their parents going through a hostile divorce you have to admire these people who care that much.

In order for a separated or divorced couple to live together with their children a bigger than me attitude would definitely have to be adapted. Fighting around the children could not happen and this would have to be agreed on or the living arrangement would not work. One would hope that mom and dad would make a huge effort to put their differences aside in order for the arrangement to run smoothly.

Some divorced couples have reconciled as they discovered there was a lot more to the person they had married than they thought they knew. This is because the ground rules for being separated but living together would have pushed them both out of their original comfort zones. They would have had to communicate well and show respect for each other's personal space and preferences.

Too often these are the issues that can lead to the break up of a marriage so finding a new level of respect, compassion and tolerance for each other just might be the key to a new beginning.

There is no doubt there will be many who will still argue their way through the time together but they will have learned very little.

When the last world war happened upon this earth many people were pushed together regardless of likes or dislikes color or creed. People learned to pull together for the good of all.

This is now happening in cities, suburbs and small towns across America and the rest of the world. People are separated but living together to fight for a better future for them and their children.

Living Together In Divorce - The New Trend For 2011

INTRODUCING - Code Name: NEW EARTH!

A futuristic tale predicted by the conservationists of the world. The planet is falling apart. Natural disasters and manic weather are consuming the earth.

Mankind's implicit greed has finally caused the "Garden of Eden" to implode leaving the citizens of earth with the bleak prospect of extinction.

One man with a golden brand on his arm steps forward and professes to be the saviour of the earth.

Is he truly the messenger of a God that appears to many to have forsaken his immaculate conception?

His methods are considered cruel and a resistance to his self-serving agenda is formed.

Due to the rapid rise of this dictator to power the government have gone into hiding but are preparing a three step plan to stop the madness.

Deep inside a shattered earth in a small town is a military bunker equipped with alien technology which when unleashed will fool the people of the world while attempting to save them.

 Even when the world is apparently ending Sharna and Lucy meet by chance and fall in love. They join the resistance against the powerful movement that is trying to take control..Their tender love story finds them embroiled in the military's plans to save the planet before it is too late...

Codename: New Earth